Sunday, June 28, 2015

Feeling alone in a crowd.....

It's overwhelming to me that in this day and age, many of us can feel alone in the middle of a crowd. Unable to speak or even smile at strangers, I sometimes feel that I don't belong anywhere in the world. I struggle to find a place where I feel at peace, at home, at rest with myself enough to relax. It's difficult for me to even connect with people I'm supposedly close to, or when those who've known me for years seem not to really know me at all. It's really disheartening to venture out on a Sunday only to realize that I've closed myself off for so long that I've almost forgotten how to say "hello" to other people. For a while in my life, I thought it was essential to close off my heart from other people, in order to protect them from what I thought was so dark within me, and anger and a need for revenge so deep that it threatened to blot out my very existence.